Birth Plan...

In talking with some girlfriends recently it came up that I didn't have a birth plan in place for when Audrey arrives.  So, being the little worker bee that I am, I took a few moments to jot down some things that are important to me when giving birth.  It is a little personal, but I thought it might be helpful to anyone who is giving birth soon and could provide some insight into how you want YOUR baby's birth to go down.  So, without further adieu....I present:

Audrey's Birth Plan

1.  Meet me in parking lot with epidural. Administer epidural before real contractions start to bother me.

 

2.  Allow me to eat ice cream during labor (you know, for the baby).

 

3.  After only a few hours of labor (pain-free...remember my friend Mr Epidural?), push again for 11 minutes (or maybe only 10..I can go faster now that it's number 2!)

 

4.  Hand me beautiful baby girl who will come out like a TV baby with no nasty cottage cheese all over her.  Doctor and nurses shall proclaim it was the smoothest delivery they ever attended and shall remark how gorgeous said child is and how perfectly shapen is her head.

 

5.  Baby will immediately latch on and breastfeed like a champion right from the start.

 

6.  Deliver my almost 3 year old to the room to greet baby, where she will become completely enamored and not act out or be jealous in any way. This shall continue, in peaceful tranquility, through to their adult years.

7.  Provide me with pre-pregnancy clothing to wear home, since I will have lost all weight gained and will also have a toned abdomen.

 

8.  Leave 2 days later (on a Monday so Emily has the entire week at school to be "normal" and not be stuck at home watching me take care of new child).  New baby will continue breastfeeding successfully and will lose no weight. Emily will show no signs of regression or remorse at having a sibling; in fact, evenings shall be spent as a family of 4, all of us gazing adoringly at one another and remarking how wonderfully easy it was to add a second child. 

 

 

The end.